Haha, this one was bonkers! It claims to be a post-apocalyptic version of H Rider Haggard’s She, but that’s a pretty ridiculous stretch. There is indeed a character named She, and there is a journey undertaken by a couple of friends, but that’s about as close as it gets. The first chunk of it was pretty much just a mess, but after about 20 minutes it leveled off a little; the movie remained pretty insane but the plotting turned into something relatively followable.
It all starts with Tom, Dick, and Tom’s sister Hari (can’t make this up) traveling to a neighbouring valley to sell soap at a post-apocalyptic market. Unfortunately the Norks (kinda nazi footballers) show up and kidnap Hari. The movie flits back and forth between Tom and Dick (spending their time getting poisoned and sold and mostly running around in circles) and She, the living goddess of the something-or-others (a clan of amazon warriors). They mostly seem to be buying or stealing men for her to sleep with and then kill. Eventually Tom and Dick convince She and her right hand woman to assist in their quest to rescue Hari from the Norks, which is where the movie finally finds its plot. It’s not an amazing plot – mostly it just follows our intrepid heroes as they stumble from one band of weirdos to another – but it’s simple enough that the movie finds a certain bizarre groove to settle into.
Cruel mutants, hippie werewolves, a weird cult led by a telekinetic, a strange ‘doctor’ with a tutu-clad giant for an assistant, and of course our Nazi footballers/gladiators/punks. Lots of escapes and mediocre fight choreography serve to shove Tom, Dick, and She (and her right hand, to a lesser extent) from one weird post-apocalyptic community to the next.
It generally doesn’t make a whole lot of sense; this one seems to fall more along the lines of ‘viewing experience’ than ‘tour de force’. Eventually our heroes find their way, disguised, into a gladiatorial arena and nearly kill each other before recognizing one another and stealing Hari away from the Norks. They make their escape from the Nork fortress to a nearby bridge (where they earlier fought a duplicating man), and set a series of traps while the Norks delay pursuit. I’ve already forgotten why they delay. The Norks are certainly in no hurry. Probably busy generating inspired graffiti.
Norks have horses, so they’re loaded with pursuit confidence, I guess.
She, Tom, Dick, and Hari go all Swiss Family Robinson on the Norks until She’s right hand turns up out of the blue (she left the party about 35 minutes ago and hasn’t even been mentioned since) with the entire Amazon army and kick the snot out of whoever’s left.
Happy endings ensue.
Certainly not one to watch with any seriousness, but as a goofy parade of chaos it was decently entertaining. I expect I’ll watch it again some day.
Any recommendations for weird bad scifi/fantasy films I shouldn’t miss?
This miniature has been sitting on the shelf for a while now, waiting for me to be ready for it.
Each arm was a separate piece, with the join being just under the bangle – looking item on each upper arm. I knew I was going to want to pin them in place, but I’ve never had a small enough drill bit for the task. I’ve used a coworker’s on occasion, but I wanted to be able to work on this one at home. A while back my last micro bit finally broke, and I found myself ordering more. I bought a whole pile of them at once, and when they finally arrived a few months later (ah, international shipping), I decided it was finally time to tackle this model.
I used a 0.6mm bit and a piece of a staple for the task, and I’m very happy with the results.
I painted this one at the same time as I was working on the viking Bondi and Shaggy. I was originally planning to base it for use in regular Frostgrave, but in the end I decided that was probably pushing the ‘insufficiently dressed for the weather’ thing a bit too far (I already have a bunch of those, haha), and decided she’d make a pretty great Heritor or Warden for F:GA.
I definitely ran into some hiccups applying the washes, and had to repaint/rewash a couple of flesh areas, but came out pretty decently. Used a lot of different shades on this one, which is something I’ve been making an effort to do; I used to just wash the whole miniature in a single shade, and with a few exceptions, this is well worth the effort.
The water ended up drying a little further (and hence more clear), but I definitely should have kept the matte clear coat off of it. Something to keep in mind for next time.
I was out sick for week 4,but back in action for week 5, up against an unofficial wood elves list. As one might guess, my dwarves had a rough go of it. I think I could have done better with the benefit of hindsight, but winning this one would have been a long shot any day of the week.
I deployed in two melee groups (plus a couple of thunderers up high in a central third area with good sightlines), but this was a straight skirmish with no loot, so I’d have been better off bulking all the melee into one clump. I could have focused my limited strengths a lot better.
Eventually I was spread really thin with terrible lines on everybody (too close as the crow flies to run, but too far by usable routes to close the gap). Especially at dwarf speed. I will certainly be hoping to avoid elves during the final few sessions.
Nonetheless, had a lot of fun, and it was my first time playing this particular player; it was nice to finally face off after chatting so many times. I did well of my Wyrdstone rolls, too, so I’m still doing pretty well overall. I think the wood elves are winning, but I’m surprisingly close behind the leaders for somebody that’s almost exclusively lost. Grin.
This weekend the Tall Order faced off against some Beastmen Raiders, and it could have gone better. It started well, but was a pretty weird confrontation. They had no ranged attacks but huge charge ranges. I got a few shots in early, but forgot my noble’s BS5 and then had some trouble in close combat. Before long my noble, pit fighter, dog, and the beardlings were all either out or down. A lot more down than out when my turn started, so I opted to retreat.
After my disappointing retreat (I usually push things far beyond any reasonable point), we crunched the numbers and levelled our warbands. It came to our attention that the Beastmen Raiders were almost double my own rating, which made me feel a bit better. Hayl Stormcannon, my engineer, got Eagle Eyes so he should be more effective at shooting in the future, and Shank (my lone surviving Clansman) became a Hero.
Herring, one of my two beardlings, was killed.
Took my Dwarf Treasure Hunters out for another spin last night, and the dice were on *my* side this time around. Faced off against some Middenheimers in a Wyrdstone Hunt and had much better luck, although there’s no ignoring that 3″ movement. The combats certainly went better this time (a lot of whiffing for both of us, but I was able to land a few at least). I grabbed a couple of the closest Wyrdstone shards, but couldn’t beat the Middenheimers to anything in the middle. I caught a couple of them in combat near the middle, but they’d already spirited the Wyrdstone away.
I didn’t lose anybody this time, which made a tremendous difference in the final Wyrdstone search, so I should be able to hire an extra dwarf or two. I still need to flip through the rules again and get a better feel for the various spending options. Until then!
When the new Blood Bowl released, I snapped up a Skaven team and dice (the latter, in part, because I knew I wouldn’t get another chance) so that is be ready if I got the chance to get into it. As time progressed I got more interested, and I got the box set for Christmas from my folks. It wasn’t until last night, though, that I finally got to play.
I invited a few friends over to share the experience (and yes, while not intended, I totally did this on Super Bowl Sunday), and we busted out a couple box sets (plus my skaven) and played a couple games. A rousing Blitzmania start for us.
My first game was against an orc team called the Arrrghanauts. I’d never played before and he’d only played once, so we were pretty evenly matched in terms of experience. I used the default Skavenblight Scramblers lineup and he built up a list full of blockers and blitzers. I received the kickoff and then got the first touchdown early when my thrower rolled a 6 on a hail mary to a gutter runner that had snuck down the field during the previous turn.
The Arrrghanauts were definitely overpowering me in terms of the physical game, but I got pretty lucky on the injury rolls. Not every dice roll went my way, but some of the most crucial ones did.
The thrower here had already moved, and the blitzer needed to Go For It twice to make the blitz happen. 1, team re-roll to 4, 1 again. So the blitzer fell on his face, and my runner made another touchdown. The game continued on a similar note. I’d have about half my team lying on the ground, but as long as I could get *somebody* through the line I’d be okay. The Arrrghanauts made a couple of solid drives up the field but my skaven were fast enough to catch up every time, turning things around when they got there.
I got in a second game as well, also against Orcs. C is also a new player but she’s got a half dozen games under her belt already, and her injury dice were treating her a little better. I won that game as well, but I struggled more to score fewer touchdowns, and she caused a full casualty. I’m excited to play an ongoing league at some point but it will definitely make my squishy rats a bit more of a liability.
For the moment, though, the Crookshank Skullkickers are off to a strong start, with two wins in a row!
Miniature: old Reaper miniature, necromancer?
Backstory: The eldest child of a shaman from one of the prominent barbarian tribes to the Southwest of Felstad, Morrigan was expected to do great things. She has real talent for magic and wizardry, but is a bit obsessed with the darker aspects of the Art, aspects *not* embraced by her tribe. Her less talented brother was named the shaman’s apprentice because of this obsession, leaving Morrigan without further training. When She (Who Will Not be Named) traveled through the region, Morrigan thought she sensed a bit of a kindred spirit and latched on immediately. While Morrigan is a little on the intense side, she is a devoted follower with an almost desperate need to learn.
Anja’s cousin, Morrigan also had previous dealings with Rikkits, who she occasionally hired to obtain items she couldn’t get her hands on through normal channels.